I've never been so surreptitious.

ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

My anxiety has been getting really bad lately :(

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Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time travelling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
Moffat & Gatiss: You have two cows. The cows are in love with each other, even though they are both the same gender, one is asexual, and the other keeps insisting it's straight. One of the cows fakes its own death to save the other. You and your neighbour die of feels.
Supernatural: You have two cows. They are brothers. They are in love with each other, as well as with two angel cows. Then they all die.
Matt Bellamy: You have two cows. You watch one get shot in the bollocks.
Dominic Howard: You have two cows. You start to cry because cow print makes you look cheap.
Chris Wolstenholme: You have two cows. Now you have two cows and 1,000,000 calves.
Morgan Nicholls: He has two dinosaurs because fuck you.
Sir Charles: Your owner has two cows. You feel neglected and sad because your owner only ever takes instagram pictures of the cows now. You drown in your tears.
Bing and the Wolstenkids: You have two cows. You use them to create a master race and take over the universe
Josh Franceschi: You have two cows. You take pictures of them and put them on Instagram with the title "cow vibes"
Sean Smith: You have two cows. You think they're both cunts and insults them on a regular basis, but only because you like winding people up for laughs.